You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
