wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize