I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
