I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
