I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
