Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
