I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
