ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
