how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
