i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
