There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
