told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
