I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
