kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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