Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
