Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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