Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
