cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Still dying that you shit outside
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
