So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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