I think i sorta joined a cult last night
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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