So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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