Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
