End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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