Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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