Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
