you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
