Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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