terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
