I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
