He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
