I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
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