yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
