Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
