My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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