And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
