i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
