he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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