Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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