Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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