Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
