I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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