just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
