but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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