Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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