I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
