Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
