before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
