I like my sex mixed with concussions.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
