I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
