hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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