One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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