I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
