I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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