It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
