Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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