You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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