I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
