glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
