maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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