READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We are two peas in an std pod
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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