Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
