My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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