I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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