I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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