i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
