Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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