this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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