He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
