I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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