chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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