ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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