Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
