OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
