apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
